Pursuant to the preceding articles by Mr. Castleman and Ms. Weber, herewith some thoughts on lovemaking, female orgasm, the clitoris, Kegels, and whatnot.
Let us consider vagina dentata, Latin for “toothed vagina.” Wikipedia tells us, “Various cultures have folk tales about women with toothed vaginas, frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women and to discourage the act of rape. The concept is also of importance in classical psychoanalysis, where it is held to relate to the unconscious fears associated with castration anxiety.”
Why am I mentioning this? Because I’m so tired of hearing from men about how women are not so orgasmic. I’m tired of hearing that penis size doesn’t matter. I’m tired of hearing either sex say that lovemaking doesn’t require intercourse especially as we age.
I’m not saying these profferings are not true; I submit that I’m tired of hearing about it. Because I disagree that this is the norm or the way it has to be, especially as we age.
Which is why I think we need to hear from the clitoris, whose ire has been aroused by aforementioned blogs. She won’t take this lying down.
To wit: Why must we keep quoting Dr. Freud, who calls me infantile? Why look upon me as a small penis? Why posit that my orgasm is not the essence of lovemaking? Why propose that my pleasure has denied the hoo-ha its full rendition for a generation of heterosexual women? Why assume that my lady’s slow hand harkens back to childhood solo flight and militates against a man’s lovingly intended involvement.
Case in point, from the abovementioned The Most Important Sexual Statistic: “Only one-quarter of women reliably experience (vaginal) orgasm during intercourse—no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.”
Do we believe every study and conclusion and deny our own experience? Why are we dividing women’s junk like this — separating clit from vajayjay, from G-spot, from lovemaking, from nipples, from orgasm, from … you name it? Why are we continually hearing that intercourse is not the key to most women’s satisfaction? Like, how many times do you hear women say, “OK, let’s not have intercourse, let’s just have a loving connection and I’ll be fine dear.”? Intercourse can also be great fun for ME! I love to share.
Why separate me from the essence lovemaking? Sure, maybe I require more imagination and creativity, but that’s part of the fun, n’est-ce pas?
What if the bottom line truth is: We are not adept at communication and connection between sexes, no matter the age, no matter the predilection, no matter the design of the package. No matter the study, which may not be asking the most revealing questions.
What if heterosexual men are more afraid of inadequacy around the clit than they are of
being bitten off by a wild and crazy Kegel-tightened cha cha? And what does that say about the real essence of sex/lovemaking/orgasm?
Can’t we all just get along? Or are my teeth showing?