Men’s Breast Obsession — And Women’s

In our culture, men are assumed to be obsessed with women’s breasts. Men’s obsession is reflected in the huge vocabulary men use when discussing them: tits, boobs, jugs, hooters, melons, globes, knobs, headlights, mammaries, ta-ta’s, chest toys, fun bags, the girls, etc. In addition, ask any waitress: Low-cut tops with visible cleavage means better tips. Many women complain that in conversations with men, the guys look at their breasts, not at their faces. And then there’s the old joke about a group of women who apply for a job. Some are highly qualified, others, less qualified. Who gets hired? The one with the biggest breasts.

To feel attracted to a woman, some men need a certain breast size—large, medium, or small (just as some women need a certain height or body type in men). But most men like any breasts, especially those attached to the women they’re involved with. That’s what researchers at UCLA and Cal State Los Angeles found in a survey of 52,227 heterosexual adults, ages 18 to 65, who responded to an online survey. A majority of the men (56 percent) said they were “satisfied with their partners’ breasts.”

But among the women, only 30 percent felt satisfied with their own. The researchers observed: “Younger and thinner women worried that their breasts were too small. Older and heavier women were concerned about droopiness.”

So 70 percent of women—almost three-quarters—say they’re dissatisfied with their breasts. Many of them don’t just fret. They take action. Countless millions of women wear padded bras, and choose fashions that focus attention on or away from their breasts or cleavage, depending on the occasion and how they feel about their chests.

In addition, breast surgery is the number one cosmetic procedure in the U.S. The American Society of Plastic Surgery estimates that every year American women undergo some 300,000 breast augmentations and 100,000 breast reductions. Women who get augmented, typically want a one- or two-cup-size increase, most typically from A or B to C. Women who want reductions typically go one or two cup sizes down.

Men’s breast obsession is clearly sexual. Women’s breasts are among men’s favorite sex toys. But it’s hard to know exactly where women’s breast obsession comes from. Men certainly play a role. According to the study, if 56 percent of men feel satisfied with their partners’ breasts, then 44 per cent of men—a large proportion–feel unsatisfied. Many women who get augmented say their husbands or boyfriends encouraged or pressured them into it.

Fashion also plays a role in women’s breast obsession. From Jane Mansfield’s torpedoes in the 1950s to the small, adolescent chests of today’s top models, breast fashions evolve. But fashion is not destiny. While designers generally favor a petite chest, augmentation is three times as popular as reduction.

Finally, mental health appears to play a role in women’s breast obsession. Women who are sufficiently dissatisfied to have cosmetic surgery also tend to feel dissatisfied with other aspect of their lives, feelings that may include serious depression. Several studies agree that compared with women who live with the breasts they were born with, those who choose augmentation are twice as likely to commit suicide.

Men and women are both breast-obsessed, but differently. Attention women: Chances are the man in your life likes your breasts better than you do. Attention men: Chances are the woman in your life is critical of her breasts, and might appreciate any reassurance you can provide.

DESIRE IN WOMEN: DOES IT LEAD TO SEX? OR RESULT FROM IT?

The conventional wisdom is that desire precedes sexual arousal. This works for most men. Men are often coiled springs of desire and easily aroused. Men often describe their libido as a drive similar to hunger or thirst. Twentieth-century sexologists assumed that women’s libido was, if not identical, then similar–and that if women didn’t feel desire, then something was wrong.

Using this reasoning, something would be wrong with one-third of women. That’s what University of Chicago researchers found in a landmark 1999 survey. Only 15 percent of male respondents said they felt little or no desire–and alcohol, stress, diabetes, heart disease, and disabilities were clear predictors. But 30 percent of women respondents said they lacked libido, usually for no apparent reason. The Chicago researchers concluded that low libido–or “hypoactive desire disorder”–was disturbingly prevalent among women.

The drug companies agree. They are busily trying to develop pills to boost women’s desire.

But what if desire does not precede arousal?

That’s what University of British Columbia psychiatrist Rosemary Basson, M.D., discovered in interviews with hundreds of women. Contrary to the conventional model, for many women, desire is not the cause of lovemaking, but rather, its result. “Women,” Basson explains, “often begin sexual experiences feeling sexually neutral.” But as things heat up, so do they, and they eventually experience desire.

If a substantial proportion of women don’t experience desire before becoming sexual, then drugs and supplements that try to pique it before the fact put the cart before the horse and may be a waste of money.

This new concept of women’s desire explains why Viagra doesn’t work for most women, and why sex-boosting herb blends help only some. These products do not affect desire. They increase blood flow into the genitals.  Men are always aware of increased genital blood flow. It’s hard to miss an erection, and it’s only a short step from erection to desire. But a good deal of research shows that women are often unaware of genital blood engorgement. “Many women have little awareness of it,” Basson notes. Even when women are aware it, they often deny feeling aroused.

If so many women don’t experience male-style desire before sex, then why do they make love? According to Basson, for reasons that affirm their relationships but are not inherently sexual, wanting to please their lover, feel intimate, prevent strife, or make up after it. Basson’s model supports an old saying about the difference between men and women: Men become intimate to have sex. Women have sex to become intimate.

If many women experience desire as the result of lovemaking, then the critical question becomes not how to ignite their desire before sex, but rather: What kind of lovemaking arouses women sufficiently to enable them to experience desire?

According to leading sexologists, the type of sex that fuels desire is leisurely, playful, sensual lovemaking based on whole-body massage that includes the genitals but is not limited to them.  This is the lovestyle that many surveys show women prefer, but often don’t get. One of women’s main sexual complaints is that men are non-sensual–too rushed, and too focused on the breasts, genitals, and a quick, plunge into intercourse. Given Basson’s view of women’s desire, this complaint makes perfect sense. Rushed lovemaking doesn’t give women the time many need to become aroused enough to experience desire.

Ironically, the sexual style that allows women to experience desire is the same one sex therapists recommend for men who want to cure premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. In other words, a sensual, massage-based approach to lovemaking is a win-win. Men’s penises act the way men want. And women are much more likely to experience desire, and become the enthusiastic lovers that both they and their lovers would like them to be.