Now that we’ve all seen Congressman Anthony Weiner’s wiener (OK, so call my interest prurient), it’s time to place Weinergate in context of today’s online dating —the so-called sexless sex—and get to the bottom line about cheating.
First: The transcripts of his Facebook conversations with Lisa Weiss were typical of most online sexual exchanges—teasing, seductive, witty, noncommittal. The “hey baby” and “I imagine you rocking my world” and “I’m so [blacked out] hard right now” comments are echoed in the bedroom chambers of millions of twentysomething guys every day. Weiss flatters him continually, calling him “our liberal stud” and wishing she was there to [blacked out] out of you.” He replies: “I need it.”
All the while, over months, continually referring to the size of his [blacked out]. No different from online posts by men of all ages and credos; and not different from online posts by married men who troll the ethers to get off in their own secretive and justified ways.
Just another guy with a “sex problem”? Is it cheating? When the definition of partnership, marriage, relationship is monogamy of genitalia and emotions: Yes. When I confronted my late husband with one of his affairs, he said he hadn’t cheated on me because he wasn’t emotionally involved.
It didn’t hurt any less.
Where we define marriage or being in a relationship as the emotional, mental, spiritual, and genital exclusivity to one partner, then our trust in the other depends on this contract. Our love also tends to depend on it, though true love itself is free and unconditional.
Violation of this contract feels like betrayal if it is not consciously consensual. I was glad that Weiner’s pregnant wife was not standing mindlessly by her man during his public confessional. I didn’t want to see another plastic, forced, shocked smile like the one on Newt Gingrich’s wife at his denouement.
So, now that we all know the congressman is hung, let’s get to the real bottom line: the pervasive meekness of women, the cultural acceptance and media feeding frenzies of celebrity and political sex scandals, the patriarchal hypnosis that continues to hold women sexually powerless, accommodating, appeasing, confused.
Women have lost their power and expertise in being the dominant gender, and thus most romantic relationships are out of balance. This, coupled with the ease of noncommittal sexual exchanges through social media, flings wide the door for the opportunistic, horny and panting male whose lust for power has gone to his dick.
Should Weiner resign? I don’t know. But I’d like this punishment: to see him—and Schwarzenegger, Richards, Gingrich et al—publically displaying their CB6000 (camouflage coating is fine). When the woman has control over her man’s sexual compulsions, and orgasms, he learns what respect and commitment really mean.
When the woman holds the key, she becomes the sexist thing in his life. Men worship power, and knowing you have this power will bring them to their knees.